Diagnosis

What happens when the mom who occasionally blogs about healthy living is no longer healthy?  I guess we are all about to find out!  Most of you who know me, or have read my sporadic posts in the past year, may have picked up on the fact that something has been wrong with my body and it’s been a year of trying to figure out what.  In fact, I found out this week that it’s probably been going on for the past 3 years–which sheds light on a lot of the ups and downs my body has been through over that period of time.  So…what is wrong with me?  On my 33rd birthday I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

For the past month I have been processing what this means and researching what to do next.  I have found that some people have responded to this news with tears, while others have brushed it off as no big deal.  It’s all about who you know and what you think of when you see the letters M and S next to each other–some people function very normally (on the outside) with this disease while others spend their lives in the “disabled” category.  So…which one will I be?  That is the question that has been ringing in my head since March 12.

The good news that we learned this week when seeking a second opinion at the University of Pennsylvania MS Center, is that it looks like it could be a “mild” case.  The bad news:  this disease is unpredictable.  And the really bad news is that I, having dedicated much of my life to health and wellness, am no longer “well”.  It might sound like I am being a bit dramatic here, but bear with me–this has been a tough pill to swallow.  Speaking of pills, the thought of being on medication for the rest of my life honestly makes me feel…I don’t know, mostly just really sad.  This is NOT how I envisioned my healthy life.

But let’s end on a high note.  There are a lot of reasons to have hope; like the fact that there are effective disease-modifying treatments out there.  And the fact that I have the best family and friends ever who have been nothing but supportive.  But most of all, I have hope because I have Jesus.  What does theology and religion have to do with MS?  Everything.  No matter what my circumstances are, I know that God is good, God is loving, and God is faithful.  At the end of my life–whether long or short, well or diseased–I get an eternity with Him, and that is reason for hope.

 

2 comments

  1. Jackie Locola · April 24

    Wow Emily…
    How beautifully written!!! I will keep praying for you and your journey. Your attitude is Christ like and I know His Grace will continue to carry you through good and not so good. This verse is my daily prayer:
    “I love you oh Lord, my strength.
    The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my mountain where I seek refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. ” Psalm 18:1-2
    With love,
    Jackie Locola

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kathy Burrus · May 7

    One of the great griefs- to feel ‘broken’ somehow. And yet it is here we find more than hope. More than peace. More than life.
    Love your heart and your words Emily!
    Praying in Ohio!

    Like

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